


If Only

by day6isworthit



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Future day6, Get ready to cry, i'm sorry i can't promise fluff, no fluff probably, sungjin why?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-07
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2020-02-27 12:24:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18738973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/day6isworthit/pseuds/day6isworthit
Summary: This story is set in the year 2024.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is set in the year 2024.

_  
"I told you I needed you to be there today, Sungjin. Today, of all days, I begged you to be there, and you told me you would!" She said in frustration._

_"And I tried my best to go, but we had a schedule. I can't just leave the band hanging, I have a responsibility here. And we just debuted, I can't possibly break rules so early in my career." I argued back, but I know I was at fault._

_"Bullshit, Sungjin, I called Dowoon earlier because you can't be bothered to answer your damn phone. He told me you were just sleeping." Shit, I forgot to tell the boys to cover for me._

_"That was after our schedule! I was so tired, I didn't even know I fell asleep." I lied._

_"We're all tired from work, don't use that excuse on me." She said, sitting down on the couch in our living room. The boys all went in their rooms, scared to be in the middle of this fight._

_"God Sungjin, what's wrong with you lately? You're not like this before. I feel like I don't know you anymore." She said._

_"What are you talking about, I haven't changed a bit. You're the one who's changed. Ever since your father handed his business down to you, you've been acting all mighty and unreachable. I'm the one who feels like I don't know you anymore." I said halfheartedly, but it's true. She's changed a lot over the last year. We hardly see each other, and when we do it's usually in secret._

_"That's not true! I try my best to be there for you and the boys whenever I can. I've been to every concert since, I go to your events even when I'm busy and have work. But I'm not complaining, because I love seeing you out there onstage. So don't you dare tell me I haven't been supportive. I've been with you since you were all just trainees trying to make things work in the industry. Who's been with you through all the times you've had it rough being the leader? Who wiped your tears away when you feel like giving up and just go back home to Busan? Who's the one..."_

_"So what, you're going to hold that against me?" I said in annoyance._

_"What the fuck do you mean, I'm not holding anything against you!" She said her voice getting higher and louder again. I can feel her anger in every word._

_"Really? Because that's how it sounds like to me."_

_"That's not what I was going for. I'm sorry if it sounded like that, but I'm just saying..."_

_"You're just saying what? That you're tired of taking care of me? Then go ahead, leave! See if I care. That's what you do best anyway, right? You leave when things get hard." I said throwing her coat at her in annoyance, but I know I don't mean it. You say and do things you don't mean when you're angry._

_"I never said I wanted to leave you, Sungjin, what the fuck?" She said, tears already brimming her eyes._

_"I know you've been wanting to take a break from us for a long time now. I'm giving you an out, take it. Leave!" I said, my heart hurting. My heart feels as if it's being torn into pieces with every word I just said. But I can't stop myself from talking. Fuck me._

_"That's not what I want, Sungjin."_

_"Then what do you want?" I said my voice getting higher, my eyebrows furrowed, my face probably angry._

_"You. I want you...all of you. All the good and bad sides of you; but goddamnit Sungjin all I'm getting from you lately is shit. And I'm so so so tired of doing everything for you, for us. I feel like I'm the only one keeping this relationship working."_

_"What more do you want from me? I gave you everything that I have, I loved you in all the ways that I know. Was that not enough?" Stop talking Sungjin, you're hurting her._

_"Loved? Past tense?" She snapped her head back at me, looking me straight in the eye with a look so foreign. I haven't seen that look on her yet, a look so full of pain and grief and hurt all twisted into one. It scared me that I was on the receiving end of that look, but it broke me more to know that I was the cause of that._

_"Fine," she said after I said nothing, "you want to break up? You're giving me an out? Fine, I'll take it. I don't want to see your face ever again, Sungjin. I don't even want to be in the same breathing space as you. You're free to do whatever you wanna do, I don't care anymore. Fuck you."_

_I know you don't mean that, my love, but I can't stop you. I don't know how to stop you. After all that I've said and done? What right do I have to stop you from leaving a piece of trash like me?_

_I watched as she slammed the door shut; leaving me in the middle of the room, speechless and a crying mess. I just watched the love of my life leave me, and I did nothing.  
_

*****Present Day, 7 years later, 2024*****

It's a beautiful day today, the clouds are just enough to cover up the harsh rays of the sun. The sea breeze was cool even though it's the middle of summer. And nothing can beat the feeling of waking up and doing nothing. 

We arrived in Jeju last night because we're here for a wedding. And for whatever reason, all five of us were invited to our producer's cousin's wedding. So that's how we ended up taking a quick vacation two days prior, at Wonpil's suggestion; to which we all agreed to. It's about time we get some rest, since we all got back from our military service, we've been doing a bunch of stuff for work. I don't even remember the last time I had a vacation. So this weekend is really a luxury. 

"Come on, I wanna go snorkeling." Wonpil said, dragging a very sleepy Jae behind him, Brian and Dowoon in tow. 

"For a person who doesn't know how to swim and is afraid of the water, you're too eager. Why are we even going out this early? It's only 9:40," Jae said glancing down on his watch. 

"We're here for a vacation dumbass, if you wanted to just stay in bed and do nothing you should've stayed in Seoul." Wonpil said, slightly annoyed. They've been at it since we woke up; and 10 plus years down the road I'm all too familiar with their little banters so I didn't bother meddling. 

"Can you two shut up already, I haven't had my coffee yet. I need coffee." Brian said interrupting. He was still wearing his pajamas, dark sunglasses resting on his nose, rapidly typing on his phone. 

"Let's have breakfast first, please? I'm starving." Dowoon said pointing at the direction of the cafe to the right of our hotel lobby. 

"Sungjin?" Jae turned to me, looking at me for approval. Oh right, I sometimes still make decisions for these children. 

"Let's go eat." I said and walked towards the busy cafe. 

"Alright fine, but let's go snorkeling after okay?" Wonpil begged. 

The place was packed when we entered the cafe, familiar faces here and there. I mean we're probably staying at the same hotel as the rest of the wedding's entourage, we're bound to at least bump into a few acquaintances. Brian already saw an old friend he did a song with way back, and Jae ran over a to table where one of our producers sat. The rest of us continued walking deep into the cafe, reaching an empty table by the window; a perfect view of the sea. 

I looked around trying to see if there's anyone else I knew in the room. There was none. That is...until I laid my eyes on her. 

She was wearing her hair down, a pair of glasses sitting on top of her head. She never wore it like that before, she was always in pony tails or she cut it short so it's low maintenance. She had on a strapless yellow blouse and a pair of jeans that hugged her legs in all the right ways. She looked more gorgeous than I remember. 

"Hyung, let's go get some food. Come on." Dowoon said snapping me back from my trance. I didn't realize I was staring. 

"I'm right behind you." I looked back to where she was, standing beside a girl - her friend probably; laughing at whatever it is she just said. She still had the same mannerisms from before. I remember she would always close her eyes, slightly pinching on her cheeks to prevent it from hurting from laughing way too hard. She'd use big hand gestures when talking; sometimes knocking over the things around her when she does, other times she'd accidentally slap the person next to her. 

She turned around and greeted the guy who just came in. He's tall and lean; his arms muscular - definitely a product of hours in the gym. He was in a suit and tie, looking a little bit overdressed for breakfast. Wow Sungjin, already jealous? 

"Hyung hyung hyung!" Brian came running towards me, a cup of coffee in his hands. 

"What?" I said my eyes still on her. 

"I found out who's getting married tomorrow! I knew the name was too familiar. But I didn't think it was her." He said cautiously, trying to look out at how I'll react. Yes, I know what you're thinking. How the hell did we end up packing our bags for a wedding, all the way across the country, of a couple we don't exactly know? And the answer is simple, we didn't think this through; and we're well acquainted with the groom's cousin. 

Before Brian can even open his mouth to speak again, Wonpil and Dowoon came running as well. One look at their faces and I already know what they're about to say. 

"I know what you're gonna say and before you do, let's not bring it..." I started but was rudely interrupted.

"Ya Sungjin, your ex is here! I found out she's the one getting married. Brian and I thought the name was too familiar when we saw the invitations, but we..." Jae paused when he felt our eyes on him. "What?" 

"I'm aware, I just saw her a few minutes ago." I said, glancing back at her. She's now seated next to suit and tie guy, across who I am assuming are his parents; because I know her father and he wouldn't be caught dead mingling in a crowded place like this. 

"Oh you've met her? What did she say?" Brian inquired, sitting down beside Jae. 

"I haven't and I've no plans of showing my face to her. Had I known it was her wedding I never would've come." I said. 

"It's not your fault, her name's too common. It could've easily been someone else." Wonpil said before biting on his toast. I didn't have an appetite for breakfast to begin with, but now I just want to throw up. 

I haven't seen her since the night we broke up; haven't even heard from her at all. It was as if she was erased from my life completely, with no traces whatsoever - not a single connection to link us back. She was just gone. _Poof._ And now, with just one look at her everything came rushing back to me. Seven years worth of pent up tears, pain, and repressed memories all fighting to come out. 

The boys continued eating their breakfast, their conversations muffled by the sound of utensils clacking on plates, and the noise of chatter from everyone in the room. But the sound of my pounding heart is more deafening than all the noise combined. I feel dizzy and suffocated. 

I was not ready for this accidental meeting, I gotta tell you that. I'll be honest. 

"Are you alright, hyung?" Dowoon asked glancing at me, mid-bite. 

"I'm f-fine," Deep breaths Sungjin. "You guys go ahead and eat. I'll just take a walk outside, wasn't hungry anyway." I said. 

On my way out, I walked past their table by mistake when what I should've done was circle around the cafe. I didn't want to look but my eyes failed me. The second that I turned my head to glance at her, she already had her eyes on me. 

I felt my breath hitch, my heart clenching, and all my muscles tensing. I couldn't move, my legs won't let me.


	2. Chapter 2

"Hi there," a voice said behind me. I knew it was her. But I'm too scared to turn around and face her. What am I supposed to say?

"Hello to you too," I said. Really Sungjin? You went with that? It's been seven years and you still get butterflies by just talking to her. 

"Fancy seeing you here. What brings you to Jeju?" She said sitting down beside me. She probably doesn't know I'm invited to her wedding does she? 

"Um, I have business to attend to. Have you seen the boys? They've been wanting to see you." I said still looking straight, afraid that once I look at her I'd breakdown and cry. 

"Yeah I think I saw them inside, I'll go talk to them later." She paused, nothing but silence between us. And it wasn't comfortable at all. I can tell she wants to bring things up and talk, but she's testing the waters. 

"How are you?" I said speaking up, acting a little braver for my own good. 

"Good, I guess. I'm actually getting..." she paused again, probably debating whether or not it's safe to tell me. You can tell me, love, I already know you're happy in another man's arms. I'm okay, at least I think I am. 

"Married? Yeah I know." I said, finishing her sentence for her. She gasped a little bit, soft enough that it wasn't audible to most, but I knew her too well. 

"How'd you know?" Do I tell her? 

"Because I was...no, uh, we're invited. I mean all five of us. But don't worry, I have some other business tomorrow so I won't be able to come. The rest of the band will go though, I hope that's fine with you." I said in a breath. 

"Hey, no, Dohyun probably invited you for a reason. Come, please. It'll be fine." She said, placing a hand on my shoulder. No please, don't touch me. Don't lay a finger on me, because I don't think I'm strong enough to resist even the slightest of your touch. 

"Okay sure, I'll go. It was nice seeing you, but I need to...uh," I said standing up in an instant, getting farther away from her. She grabbed my hand and turned me to finally face her. There's no getting out of it this time. 

"Sungjin wait, let's talk." She said, her eyes pleading. She looked sad, but only for a moment; because as I stared into them, I can only see happiness. Happiness that I used to give her, but now she's getting that from him.

"What's there to talk about?" I said turning around, moving away from her again, but only by a step. I can't bear the close proximity. 

"Are you still mad at me?" She said, her tone changing. 

"No, of course not! Why would I be mad at you?" 

"Then why do you keep turning away from me. Look at me, Sungjin, come on." She said grabbing my hand one more time. 

"Because I'm scared of looking at you, okay? I don't know how I'm supposed to face you after all these years," I admitted, confused by the rush of emotions I'm suddenly feeling. Guilt. Love. Pain. Longingness. What else? 

"I missed you." I heard her say after a while, her lips barely opening to say them. She whispered it so quietly I thought I imagined it. 

"No. Okay, no. You don't get to say that to me. You're getting married tomorrow. Take that back." 

"Just because I'm getting married tomorrow and I'm in love with another man doesn't change the fact that I did miss you. I'm allowed to miss the people that used to be everything to me." And with every word that fell from her lips - her lips that I used to love and that I still love; made my heart break into a million more pieces. As if it wasn't broken enough. 

I stared at her dumbfounded, taken aback by what she said. I never thought a day would come where I'd hear her say that I was her past, signifying that I would never become a future for her. And it hurts me even more. 

"Whatever happened between us, it's all good. Let's just forget about it and move on. I'm sure you already did." I said reluctantly, my voice slightly shaking. I'm doubting I even said that out loud. Did I? 

"Perhaps. But there's not a single day that I haven't thought about you, Sungjin. Every day, I wished that we'd see each other and just...I don't know, talk." She sighed and sat back down on the bench.

"And talk about what? We're bound to just hurt each other if we bring the past up. So let's not, especially not now; maybe not ever." I braved myself to look at her again. 

"I know, but I'm prepared. Don't you think leaving things unanswered would only do more damage to the both of us? I just want answers and closure, Sungjin." Oh love, what I wouldn't do to give them to you. But if I tell you the truth, I'll hurt you even more. And I can't bear seeing you hurt again, I've done that quite enough before. 

"There's nothing more to it. Just remember me as the asshole who got tired of our relationship to give a damn about anything. I was the ex you wished to forget. The ex that lied and gave up when things got hard, let's leave it at that." 

She didn't answer. She just looked down and wiped her hands on her thighs, a habit she does whenever she's stuck in the middle of a bad situation. 

"You know, I was willing to try again back then. I was waiting for you to call, waiting for you to reach out and work things out with me. Hoping, silently praying, that the breakup was just a dream; that maybe it wasn't true. But days passed, which then turned to weeks, months, and years. And here we are now. I guess we were both too stubborn to swallow our own prides to make the first move," She said with a faint smile. "It's just sad you know?"

"What is?" I said. 

"We both said things we didn't mean that night. And on the one time I got tired and thought about giving up, you did too...when I thought you wouldn't." She sighed, running a hand through her hair. 

"Things turned out better for you though, right?" 

"I guess it did."

Silence. Nothing but silence. We both didn't know what to say after that. What else could I possibly say to turn this conversation around? 

"I'm sorry, for what it's worth." I said, speaking up once more. 

"For what?" She looked at me confused. 

"For everything? For all the things I said to you? For hurting you? For missing the party that night? I knew how important that was for you and your dad. I didn't mean to dismiss it as something not as equally important to whatever we had going on back then. And I know that no amount of apologies would be enough to compensate for the hurt that I've caused you."

"You're not going to tell me the real reason aren't you?" I shook my head no, refusing her inquiry. 

"There are things that are better left unsaid. Besides, you're in a happier place now. I can see it in the way you look at him, and the way he looks at you. He seems like a good guy." I said smiling at her for the first time today.

"And he is. He treats me well, Sungjin. After we broke up I was a mess, a prisoner in my own heartbreak and a robot working 24/7. But when I met him, I felt myself slowly become human again. And the pain that consumed me whole eventually became smaller and smaller until it was only a distant memory."

"I'm glad it's him you're marrying then. You deserve all the happiness in the world, more than anyone." 

"Thank you Sungjin, I really mean it. I'm glad we met like this," she said standing up to leave. "I think I better go, my family's probably looking for me. I'll see you tomorrow?" 

"Yeah sure." I said as she started to walk away from me.

Before she disappeared into the garden that leads back to the hotel lobby, she paused and turned to me. "Sungjin?" She said. 

"Yeah?" 

"Don't go tomorrow if it's too much for you to handle, I'll understand. Let's stop hurting each other, okay?" She smiled and went on her way.

And just like that, she's gone again. 

*******  
"Bro, are you sure you're going to be fine?" Jae said, handing me my tie. 

"Of course I am, I'll be okay. Can you all calm down?" I said sitting down on the couch so I could do my tie peacefully. 

"Your face says otherwise though, hyung." Wonpil said. 

"What's wrong with my face?" I frowned. 

"You look constipated; like you're about to throw up any minute and breakdown in the middle of their vows." Dowoon said in a teasing voice. 

"Will you stop it? I'm really okay, I can sit through this wedding trust me. I've done way harder things before." I said reassuring these idiots for the hundredth time. 

"Well it's not like watching the love of your life marry another man is a walk in the park, hyung. You're allowed to feel sad today." Brian said, sitting down beside me. 

"Did you tell her though?" Jae asked, sitting on the bed adjacent to the window. 

"Tell her what?" I asked, trying to dodge the question and this conversation. 

"You know exactly what I'm talking about, Sungjin." He said rolling his eyes at me. 

"No," I sighed. "How could I? She's already happy, no need to open something that could lead up to more what ifs. It was better to leave the truth behind, she's better off not knowing." 

"I still think not telling her was the single most stupid decision you've ever made in your life." He said, the others nodding in agreement. 

"Please do tell, what good would it bring by telling her the truth? Will it hurt less? No. Will it erase the pain both of us went through for the last seven years? Probably not. And will she come crawling back into my arms? Most certainly not. So what's the point? What's the point of telling her, _"Hey you know what, that night we broke up, our company almost terminated our contract. Oh and while we're at it, that same week one of our sound engineers ran off with an entire album's worth of songs. So I'm sorry if I missed the party that I knew was so important to you; I'm sorry I forgot to go when I accidentally slept after a week of not getting any."_ Would that be enough? Would that answer her question? I know her all too well to know she won't be able to sit still knowing that was the reason. Her guilt will eat her alive. And I can't do that to her, especially not now." I said, voicing out my arguments. 

"The truth will set you free though." Wonpil said. 

"There are certain truths that don't need to see the living daylights, they're better off buried in the past." I said and left the room, the rest of them hot on my heels. 

I'll be honest, today will probably be one of the hardest days of my life. But what else can I do? It's not like I can stop the wedding and tell her I still love her. I need to accept the fact that the two of us will never amount to anything but past lovers who drifted apart. 

As we entered the venue for the wedding ceremony, we were greeted by a room packed with people. The floral decorations were all white and blue, her favorite color combination. The entire room resembles everything about her: bright, cheerful, and colorful. Everything I'm not today. 

We sat in the middle of the hall, sharing a table with a couple of friends from work. The lights dimmed and the wedding march started to play. An emcee announced that the bride has arrived and the ceremony will start in a few minutes. 

Was I ready for this? _Definitely not._

The doors opened for her and I was stunned by her beauty, sucking in a breath. Her hair was styled into an updo, white floral pins placed intricately on her head, her veil covering her face. The front of her dress reached her shins, while the back had a long trail that she was dragging as she walked up front. She looked so beautiful, anyone would run out of adjectives to describe her. This is exactly how I envisioned her on her wedding day. Only difference was, I never thought I wouldn't be the man waiting for her at the altar. 

"Will you wipe your tears, you look pathetic." Jae said whispering, as I punched his arm in return. I didn't even know I was crying. 

I stood there and watched, hopefully for the last time, as the love of my life walked away from me again. And this time I know it's going to be permanent. She's really walking away from me for good, walking into the arms of another man. 

After the ceremony an usher led us to the back of the room where the newlyweds would be taking pictures with guests. I hesitated for a second, doubting myself if I can really stomach seeing them together up close. But that doubt flew out the window when I saw her smile at me.

She stood up upon seeing Jae and Brian came closer, squealing and jumping up into their arms. She turned to Dowoon and Wonpil who followed next, gushing over how they grew up into becoming fine men over the years. She's always cherished the two youngest ever since she met them, adored them even. 

Everyone suddenly fell into conversation, some laughing, catching up with the newlyweds; the photographer butting in and asking us to stand behind the couch for the photo. Our manager walked up to us with Dohyun, our producer, to congratulate the bride and groom. But I was just there, standing in the middle of all this chaos, looking lost and broken. I don't know what to feel anymore. 

"Hey stranger, you okay?" I felt her hand on me. 

I turned around and forced a smile, for her sake at least. Reassuring her that I was fine, even though I know I'm not. 

"Wanna take a picture together?" She asked. 

"Of course," I said and we stood in front of the camera, her hand around my waist. She leaned in a little, just enough to put her head on my shoulders; while I wrap a hand around hers. 

"I'm happy for you, I really am." I whispered in her ear before I pulled away from our hug. 

"Thank you Sungjin. I hope one day you'll find happiness too. I wish you nothing but the best, I hope you know that." She said giving me one last kiss on the cheek, smiling at me. 

"Hey man, thank you so much for coming. Dohyun speaks so highly of you guys." Her husband suddenly came over to us, snaking an arm on her waist, claiming territory on her wife. 

_Wife._ That's a lot to take in. She's now a wife who has a husband. And I'm still Sungjin. 

"Oh wow, thank you that means a lot. But hey, congratulations to you both." I said reaching out a hand to shake his. 

"Sungjin come on, we need to go. We have a flight to catch." Brian said interrupting, saving me from the awkwardness that was bound to follow. "It was nice seeing you again, congratulations on getting married." He said to them both and dragged me away. 

"You okay, buddy?" He asked, patting a hand on my back, leading me through the crowd back to where the rest of them were.

"Yeah, just a little bit peachy. Let's go home." 

Before we left the hall, I took one last glance at her across the room and she was laughing to whatever her husband said in her ear. It should hurt a lot, and it did a little, but seeing her happy was enough for me.

I'll be okay.


End file.
